Zombie Yoga
I'm not sure how to sum up this week. The zombie yoga title came to mind one morning when, during sun salutations, I lowered down from a plank position and lay face down on my mat. When I finally looked up my dvd yoga buddies were two poses ahead.
I stumbled through several of the usual poses, not able to keep my balance, reaching for the wall or a table. Looking for any sort of stability, as I was apparently unable to create my own.
My soon to be ex boarded a plane to another state on Thursday. I took the day off to take him to the airport. The three of us stopped for lunch at an old favorite restaurant in the neighborhood as if it was any normal day from the past.
Maybe it's not possible to have a clean break. There are no smooth edges here. My best efforts to be understanding and kind still leave me torn. I long for immediate healing - patience being a virtue for more enlightened souls.
I want to be whole again, strong, confident and quick to laugh, spontaneous joy bubbling up, overflowing.
Am I free yet?
I'm committed to continue. Intrigued to see what's on the other side of this. In days past I would have stayed in zombie sleepwalking mode for another month, or more. The feelings seemed too difficult to process. It's easier to go unconscious, disconnect from myself and keep going through the motions.
I'm more than ever looking forward to next week...
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